I Feel Like Dying But I am Not Suicidal

LJ Louis 2025: Photograph by LJ Louis

I feel like dying when I am happy.

I feel like dying when I am sad, but I am not suicidal.

I am longing for something other than this life, this time-space reality.

I feel like dying all the time, even when I am sad and happy.

It is the curiosity of what else is out there that is pulling me on the other side of reality.

I hope and willing to experience all that death has to offer, but I am not suicidal.

I just feel like dying, and I wonder what it would be like to no longer be alive in this time-space reality, but I am not suicidal.

I am curious about the other side, but I also don’t want to miss out on the mission and purpose for which I was created.

Even though lately, it feels like I am reaching, but I can never reach that space where success feels attainable, whatever success means.

I feel like dying, but I am not suicidal.

I am just curious about the other side of reality.

Is there a life after death, or is it a void of emptiness?

I feel like dying, but I am not suicidal.

I can’t be.

I don’t want to be, but I feel like dying.

Something hurt, but I don’t know where.

I can’t put my finger on it, but I feel like dying, but I’m not suicidal.

I can’t be.

I have a beautiful son, and I love writing.

I want to see as many people as possible touched by my words, but I feel like dying, but I am not suicidal.

I feel guilty that I feel like dying when I should feel grateful to be alive and well, but I feel like dying, and I don’t know why.

The tears won’t stop even if I try because I feel like dying when I am sad and happy alike.

I’m curious.

I want more.

I want to see more, but what is there to see on the other side of reality?

I feel like dying, but I know I don’t have what it takes to do it myself, and I don’t want to suffer, but I feel like dying, and I don’t know why.

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This is a poem from a stream of my consciousness. Written in five minutes on the 2025 Autumn/Fall Equinox, to the date and time.

As highly creative people, we feel so much more than most, and sometimes creativity sparks during unexpected times. This was one of those moments when raw emotions are expressed in words and felt deeply. But I am very much NOT suicidal. And very much healthy. I hope this poem touches your heart and brings hope and comfort.  

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LJ Louis is an enthusiastic traveler, aspiring artist, and passionate writer of both fiction and non-fiction who loves exploring new cuisines. She is also a dedicated advocate for women's rights. With an impressive educational background, she holds a double major in psychology and criminology (BA), a Bachelor of Laws (Hons LLB), and an advanced diploma in fitness and health promotion. LJ shares her insights through engaging content on topics such as human sexuality, sex positivity, health, psychology, and even Meghan Markle.

LJ Louis