Two Red Flags We Missed In Early Dating
- L J Louis
- Sep 19
- 3 min read
I recently dated a guy who seemed perfect at first. He shared my vision for the future and was open to anything I wanted. However, I noticed a pattern. Everywhere we went was a place I had introduced him to. It was as if he didn’t have his own personality or hobbies. This experience taught me the importance of recognizing patterns in a partner's behavior. I tried to help him discover activities he enjoyed outside of work, but his idea of hobbies was limited to watching TV and taking walks. I mean, come on, that's a bit sad, right? If I expressed a preference for the countryside, he liked it too. If I said the city, he was on board with that as well. Within eight weeks, I realized I was either going to end up cheating—which I’ve never done—or feel completely bored to death. Here are the two red flags we missed in early dating, and how to spot them early.
You see, when you’re in a relationship, everything seems magical and perfect at first, and it often is! That’s the honeymoon phase. But there are a couple of things that you really want to pay attention to early on. These are "mirroring" and being in an "echo chamber."
So, what’s mirroring? Well, it’s when your partner starts copying your behaviors, likes, and dislikes to match yours. It might sound sweet at first—like they’re really into you—but it can become a problem. You don’t want someone simply pretending to be a reflection of you; you want someone who’s their own person. Over time, if your partner is mirroring you, they might lose their true identity, become obsessed with you, and display fear of losing you. And trust me, that’s not good for them, or for you.
Having your own identity is what keeps a relationship dynamic and vibrant. It allows you both to bring something to the table, to learn and grow from each other. You’re with your partner because of who they are as an individual, not because they can mimic you well.
Now, let’s talk about the "echo chamber." This is when, in your relationship, you only agree with each other, without asking any questions. Sure, it’s great to be on the same page most of the time, but if your partner agrees with everything you say, you might stop growing together. You both miss out on new perspectives and the opportunity to challenge each other in healthy ways.
Being in an echo chamber can lead to things getting stale over time. Relationships thrive on a little bit of spice, a mix of agreements, discussions, and even a dash of debate, all wrapped in love and respect. This doesn’t mean you should be constantly arguing, but ensuring there’s room for discussions, even disagreements, means there’s room for growth.
Recognizing these patterns early on is key. When you catch mirroring, encourage your partner’s uniqueness. Be curious about their true interests and share your own. In an echo chamber? Shake things up by inviting open discussions and making room for each other’s differing thoughts and ideas.
The bottom line? Healthy relationships are about authenticity and genuine connection. By spotting these patterns early, you ensure you’re building a relationship that’s real, honest, and exciting, and that’s the kind of relationship that stands the test of time.
Dating The Chameleon Is Not Sweet; it can be toxic.
LJ Louis is an enthusiastic traveler, aspiring artist, and passionate writer of both fiction and non-fiction who loves exploring new cuisines. She is also a dedicated advocate for women's rights. With an impressive educational background, she holds a double major in psychology and criminology (BA), a Bachelor of Laws (Hons LLB), and an advanced diploma in fitness and health promotion. LJ shares her insights through engaging content on topics such as human sexuality, sex positivity, health, psychology, and even Meghan Markle.
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