Longing for the lost Masculinity
- L J Louis
- 4 days ago
- 3 min read
When I learned I was having a boy twenty years ago, my first thought was to raise him to be a man of both physical prowess and mental fortitude like his father. To raise him as a man who can protect the women in his life and succeed in a chaotic, economically driven world. He would be a modern-day warrior, holding space for the gentle, feminine energies he would encounter throughout his life. He would also have the fighting skills to fend off predators and other men if he needed to protect his resources. I believe I have succeeded in shaping the ideal masculine man.
I love men. They are my grandfathers, my father, my uncles, my lovers, my brothers, and my son. The men in my life have shaped me, and for as long as I can remember, I have held a deep love for them. I spent the better part of my life chasing them, begging them to love me. This love is rooted in a fundamental appreciation for their strength, their protective nature, and their unwavering sense of duty.
This image of a man, a protector, is one I have seen firsthand in my family. While my father's absence was notable, my uncles stepped in to embody a sense of responsibility and care for the women around them. Even when their discipline was harsh, I recognized their presence as a form of protection. If we needed to go out at night, it was advisable to take a man with us. They carry the heavier load, so we women wouldn’t have to, because we had the precious responsibilities of loving them and giving them sons. But now, I must continue to love them, give them sons, and still carry the heavy load on my back. My love for them transcends any shortcomings; I know how vital the role they play in the world is. I miss the men who inherently understood their responsibility to provide and protect, who carried that duty with a natural ease. I am longing for the lost masculinity.
I long for the men of yesteryear: men who were driven and active, who worked hard during the day and found solace in a woman's presence at night. They saw femininity not as a threat but as a home. I yearn for a time when men understood that a woman cannot be that home, that feminine sanctuary they so desperately crave, if she is fighting the same battles they face in the workforce. I value those men, but I fear they are becoming extinct.
Modern society has been undermining men, turning them into what I see as a beta archetype. This shift has forced women like me to step into an alpha role to survive and for the well-being of our children. The existence of dual dynamics between male and female, yang and yin, masculine and feminine, active and passive, alpha and beta, is essential. One is not superior to the other, but both must work together for our survival. Women's increasing power in the workforce doesn’t mean men should lose their sense of purpose and responsibility. I long for the men of the past, when everything seemed to make more sense. They knew exactly what needed to be done to ensure their survival for future generations. It is becoming harder to recognize the men I once knew. They seem to have lost their purpose and direction, becoming either hardened by life's struggles or retreating into a more feminine state.
I am not worried about my son because I have prepared him, but I am concerned about men in general. I fear they are disappearing, and without them, we cannot truly flourish. More men are single and angry than ever, and more women are dissatisfied with dating than ever before. Fewer two-parent households are forming. Marriage rates are declining, and relationship dynamics have shifted to ‘it’s complicated.’ We need men to return to their natural state—when their lives made sense, and their roles as protectors and providers for women and children were clear. We need men to regain a healthy, necessary sense of masculinity, not a toxic one. I want my men back. I want to embrace femininity again. My love for men remains strong, but my concern for their future grows.
LJ Louis is an enthusiastic traveler, aspiring artist, and passionate writer of both fiction and non-fiction who loves exploring new cuisines. She is also a dedicated advocate for women's rights. With an impressive educational background, she holds a double major in psychology and criminology (BA), a Bachelor of Laws (Hons LLB), and an advanced diploma in fitness and health promotion. LJ shares her insights through engaging content on topics such as human sexuality, sex positivity, health, psychology, and even Meghan Markle.